Puzzle Boxes are Stupid
by SlyvyToves
Summary: Jack doesn't enter the xiaolin conflict until he's older and more mature. Chase takes an interest in his more refined brand of evil. Chack.


"…..The fuck is this?" Jack wondered, turning the little cube left and right. After a moment of consideration he shrugged and threw it into the corner. "I'm trying to take over the world. I don't have time for pointless bullshit." The little puzzle cube landed in the corner with a thud. It stayed there for weeks, until Jack's frenemy Ashley and her sticky fingers came by for a quick visit. Before he managed to have her evicted she swiped the strange cube. It was months before she solved the puzzle.

During those months, Jack spent more and more time alone in his lair until eventually, his parents got worried enough to drag him out. They gave him a choice: Therapy or school. Jack went with business school. He figured he could do just enough work to pass and keep his parents off his back. It turned out to be incredibly useful. One day during class he looked up from the designs he had been sketching and actually paid attention. He suddenly realized that it would be stupid easy to make his own fortune, independent of his parents' money. So Jack set to work.

Months later, Jack was hanging out in some remote mountains in China, testing some of his newer models of jackbots. He needed someplace remote where governments wouldn't spy on him and the weird spacey technology wouldn't attract the attention of busy-bodies. So here he was, hovering on a mountain, running some performance tests and recording the results. After he set his devices to record the tests and gave his new jackbots their marching orders, he set the jet on hover and cracked open a juice box. This part was boring but necessary.

He glanced around, briefly admiring the scenery. He quietly speculated as to the geological processes that lead to the creation of the mountain. He was roused from his reverie by a glint of silver in a crevasse of the mountain. Frowning, jack slipped on his flying goggles and adjusted the settings to magnify. He saw what looked like a staff with a stylized monkey carved onto the end.

"Jackbot," he said to the nearest jackbot attendant. "Go get me that staff."

The jackbot retrieved the staff easily and Jack examined it in his hands. He didn't make it a habit to study archaeology, his talents lay in the present and future. However, even he could tell this was ancient. And beautiful. He turned it over a few times in his hands. He took at quick picture with his goggles and ran a search of all archaeological data bases, trying to determine where and when it was from.

"Hey!" Jack blinked and dropped the staff on the floor of the jet. He looked at the mountain below him. There was a small Asian girl in ponytails yelling up at him. Jack raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"Hey you!" she yelled again, hands on her hips.

"What?!" he yelled back.

"Did you see a monkey staff around here?" She yelled up at him. Jack glanced at the stick in his lap. Then back to her.

"What the hell is a monkey staff?" he yelled.

"It's a shen gong wu!" she yelled back. Jack waited a beat, and when it seemed like she wasn't going to elaborate, he yelled back.

"What the hell is that?!"

"It's...like...an ancient magical item!" Jack glanced back at the stick, apparently a monkey staff, and moved it subtly out of sight.

"What does it look like?" he yelled down.

"I don't know! Staff-like, I'd imagine!" she screamed back.

"You don't know?" Jack yelled back. "You climbed a damn mountain for a magical object and you don't even know what it looks like?"

"NO!" she yelled. "I flew here, on a dragon!" And as though her words had summoned the thing, a big green dragon floated up from the mists below. There were additional people on its back. They greeted the girl and exchanged words that he couldn't hear. Then they all looked up at him.

"Excuse us, kindly stranger!" Omi screamed up at him. "We are humble xiaolin monks seeking the shen gong wu known as the monkey staff! Did you happen to see it anywhere?"

Jack was getting a little irritated by this point.

"No, I haven't fucking seen it anywhere! And I came out here to be alone!"

He looked at the data he had already collected. It was complete enough for him to get the hell out. "Jackbots, lets get the hell out of here." The jackbots returned to his jet and he prepared to go.

"Hey wait a minute!" Raimundo yelled after him. Jack didn't bother looking back. He just flipped him off out the window and floored it. He went so fast he couldn't even hear them calling after him.

Alone in his lair, Jack analyzed the staff. Those...Xiaolin monks had called it a monkey staff. The computer noted that it was, in fact, super ancient. It seemed otherwise unremarkable. Jack absentmindedly placed his hand on the staff while her read the information from the scanner.

"Monkey staff..." he murmured to himself. He was surprised to feel a rush of energy shoot through him. He was even more surprised to find that he had suddenly sprouted a tail. "What the fuck?!" Jack yelled, immediately dropping the staff and walking away. He spun around to stare at his new appendage – only to discover it had disappeared. Jack tried to calm down, telling the Jackbots that had responded to his distress to stand down. He looked back at the staff, wary of touching it now. He then noticed that as soon as he had said the staff's name, the scanners had picked up a massive spike in energy. Jack's jaw dropped.

"Well that's interesting..."

For the next year, Jack made the shen gong wu his obsession. Or, to be more specific, he made magic his obsession. He started by researching the history of the monks, the xioalin, and the shen gong wu. He considered just going to the temple and talking to the monks directly, but he didn't like the idea of them knowing that he actually HAD the monkey staff. It seemed like they had either taken his word, or been unable to track him down. Or, didn't care enough to track him down. As far as Jack could tell there wasn't actually a point to any of these stupid wu. Jack actually had a theory about that.

After he felt like he had the basics of the history down, he hijacked some satellites and started sending spy bots to observe the monks. That was how he learned about the showdowns. Which, in Jacks' opinion, were supremely stupid. He was intrigued by the concept of being able to harness magic and implant it in objects that continued to perform their functions centuries after their creation, seemingly without any diminishing of the energy source. If he could just figure out the technique and apply it to his machines, he'd have the world at his feet.

He was trying to stay off the monk's radar, but he still managed to sneak a few shen gong wu out of their vault. He just replaced them with copies, and only took the more pointless items they were unlikely to use.

He spent a year working on this project intermittently. Progress was slow, however, as he got side tracked by his other ideas, including creating and patenting some of his more pedantic inventions – like hover drones that clean your house – invested his profits, made a fortune, moved out of his parents house, and went on to systematically and stealthily dominate the global markets.

About a year and a half into his project, he picked up something...odd. He got an alert from one of the spy bots that something was happening. Not surprising; they went off all the time, given the shit those monks got up to. However, this was different. When Jack had glanced at the monitor, he'd seen a beautiful Chinese man. When he switched on the audio, he was shocked to learn that it was the ancient Heylin warrior Chase Young. He had read about him, seen pictures, but the drawings hardly did justice to the vision on the screen.

Jack watched the drama unfold before him, something about eating dragons and the power of friendship blah blah blah. The whole time he was enraptured by Chase Young. The beauty, the power, the grace. All of it. He was amazing. Objectively amazing, given the data that Jack's spy bots were able to capture and relay back to him. His power levels were off the charts.

Jack spent his time alternately looking at the readings he was getting and staring in blatant wonder that was the man's features. He was therefore completely shocked to glance back at the monitor and see Chase Young staring right...at...him. Jack blinked, heart rate spiking. Then reality sank in and he realized that Chase was obviously just looking at the spy bot.

Jack snorted. Of course. The monks might be clueless, but Chase's dragon senses would easily pick up on the drone's existence. The whir of the motors, the sound it made as it flew through the air, the electromagnetic aura it gave off all must have given it away. Jack stared transfixed as Chase smirked into the camera, slowly raised two gauntlet-clad fingers, and snapped. The picture immediately went to static as, Jack assumed, his spy bot was instantly destroyed.

"Well. Fuck." Jack murmured.

That started a new obsession: Chase Young. Or, more specifically, how to build a better spy bot. It became his new pet project. How to make a spy bot that was undetectable even to Chase Young. Chase seemed to take almost obscene pleasure in finding and crushing his little toys, seemingly enjoying the game of cat and mouse. At one point, a spy bot made it almost two hours into a showdown without being discovered by Chase. When Chase finally found the bot he had pulled it towards himself and stared into the camera with an eyebrow raised.

"Not bad. Keep improving like this and you might become formidable enough to be considered irritating." Then he had crushed the bot to dust.

Although it had royally pissed Jack off at the time, the proximity allowed Jack to collect much more significant data. He now had better information on Chase's physical strength, as well as better energy readings. It was the opening Jack needed, but it was still more months before Jack was finally able to make any headway.

The final prototype was tiny, silent, ran on a type of liquid fuel that didn't give off any radiation. He attached it to a spy bot and sent it into a xiaolin showdown. It was a stupid battle, but it was for an interesting shen gong wu. Jack had a feeling the only reason Chase was there was because he was trying out a new apprentice. Some no name hedge-witch with an affinity for plants. She was crashing and burning. The competition was, of all things, an apple picking contest. The witch flat-out refused to harm any plants so she lost spectacularly. Even Chase had seemed disgusted by her efforts, though it was clear that the witch, like all the strawman apprentices he'd gathered, was just his stand in for Omi.

Chase got bored and destroyed the spy drone fairly quickly. After the larger drone was destroyed, the smaller bug split off, careful to keep its trajectory consistent with that of shrapnel, it attached itself inconspicuously to the edge of Chase's skirt. It wasn't perfect, a lot of his view was obscured, but it did the trick.

When the camera was obscured by swirling darkness, only to emerge once again in an opulent palace, Jack punched the air and whooped in glee.

"Fucking finally!" he yelled at the giant monitor in front of him. He was sitting in his underground lair in his new home-slash-fortress. It was the giant syfy command center he had always dreamed of, and today he was fucking ecstatic.

He mindlessly accepted a bowl of popcorn from a nearby Jackbot as he stared in rapt fascination at the monitor before him. It was the first time he had made it this far- into Chase Young's stronghold. Jack confirmed that he was recording.

He watched Chase greet his jungle cats, prowling around his throne. Wuya, the witch Chase had rescued a few months prior, harangued him for returning empty handed. Chase endured it for a few minutes before threatening her enough to have her retreating into the shadows. Chase climbed up a mountain of stairs to an majestic throne. Jack snorted. Of course Chase Young would have a throne.

The camera spun as Chase sat down. The camera now looked out at the front of the throne room. For a long moment, nothing happened. Jack wondered if Chase was meditating. He sighed. Well that was certainly anticlimactic. Jack decided to analyze the data he had already collected, particularly the readings he'd picked up with when Chase had tesseracted his way back to his palace.

For a long few minutes he worked on the data. An irritated grunt from the monitor drew his eyes back to the spydrone. Off to the side of the camera Jack saw Chase wave a gloved hand imperiously, summoning a swirl of magical black shadows. From the shadows emerged a plain silk screen. Jack stared at it curiously. He hadn't seen that particular shen gong wu before.

"See-me screen," Chase intoned, "show me the person spying on me." Jack's eyes shot open wide. The silk screen was blurry for a moment, and then, just as Jack feared, it reformed into a moving image of him, staring into the monitor. Some not-panicking part of Jack's brain thought, " _What a needlessly complicated substitute for face-time."_

Chase plucked the little bug from his armor and brought it up to his eyes. Chase's face now took up the entirety of the monitor wall before Jack. Chase smirked into the screen. It was slightly terrifying. "Found you..." he whispered silkily.

"Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit," Jack muttered, springing into action. His fingers flew furiously across the console in front of him as he raised all the defenses the fortress had available to him.

"You have officially moved up in my esteem to 'irritant.' Good for you." Chase purred. Jack's hand hesitated over the button that would destroy the bug and cut the feed. On the one hand, he was now on Chase's shit list. On the other had, he'd never come this far before and he was loathe to cut off the stream of data.

"Although I must say," Chase continued, "you're hardly what I was expecting."

"And just who the fuck..." Jack started, only to cut off suddenly as the monitor picture changed abruptly to an empty throne room. "...did you expect?" he finished lamely.

"Honestly?" Chase's voice drawled from behind him. Jack yelped and turned around, grabbing a blaster from underneath the console in the process. He pointed it at Chase, who was standing casually behind Jack's chair.

"Someone heylin," Chase answered with a feral smile.

"Jackbots, attack!" Jack yelled before leaping over the console and running for the door. He sprinted down the hallway as the sounds of combat started behind him. He slid around a corner, and then another, and slammed his hand into a secret button on the wall. A panel slid open and he ducked inside, shutting the door after him. It was a panic room, set up for exactly this type of scenario.

Jack immediately turned on the back-up computer console and toggled through the security screens until he had a shot of the control room he had just fled. He flipped it on in time to see Chase drop the last of his jackbots on the ground in a heap of scrap metal. Jack watched anxiously as Chase surveyed his surroundings. He wandered around the room, quietly observing. He tilted his head towards the camera and smiled again.

"Hmmm. I guess that explains why you've never come to a showdown. These pathetic creations wouldn't last more than an instant," Chase commented derisively. Jack narrowed his eyes at the insult.

"They're good enough for the military," he muttered sullenly. "How the hell was I supposed to know they'd be tested on immortal Chinese warrior magician...guys." Chase chuckled then, as though in response to Jack's words. Then he turned his head in the direction Jack had sprinted.

"So that's where you are," he whispered. Jack nearly smacked himself in the forehead.

" _Fucking dragon senses_!" he thought furiously, holding his breath as Chase strolled slowly towards him down the corridor. Jack watched his progress with trepidation. Chase turned a corner and Jack flipped a toggle, switching to the other monitor. He was momentarily confused as the monitor reflected an empty hallway. But Jack wasn't a genius for nothing. He whirled around behind him just as Chase was materializing in a swirl of magic and fired off a single shot. It connected with Chase's armor, causing it to blacken and char on his abdomen. Chase merely raised an eyebrow.

The automatic lazers in the room zeroed in on Chase and began firing as Jack dove towards the entrance. Unfortunately, the door was not as quick to open from the inside, and Jack lost precious seconds fiddling with the heavy lever. He got the door open but before he could exit he was yanked backwards by his t-shirt. He squawked as he was slammed against the console in the center of the room. He managed not to drop the gun but there wasn't much point as it was ripped from his hand as soon as he tried to raise it.

Before him, leaving no room for escape, stood one visibly irritated dragon lord. Jack panted, mind going fritzy as the adrenaline spiked. He'd seen those golden eyes a thousand times through his machines but somehow, looking through a monitor, he had never understood how truly terrifying they could be.

"So. I guess your little toys are not as completely ineffectual as I had first thought," Chase said, gesturing to the places on his armor that had been scorched by Jack's lazers - those lazers now lay scattered about the room in pieces. Jack tensed but said nothing. So far, he hadn't seen Chase murder anyone, but he didn't really want to push his luck.

"You have been spying on me for quite some time now," Chase continued in the silence. "Today was the first time you were successful. I must say, I'm a little impressed." Here the silence stretched.

"Thank you?" Jack ventured, unsure how else to respond. That seemed to be good enough for Chase, who nodded.

"Of course, the achievement is somewhat dampened by the fact that you were foolish enough to attempt to spy on me in the first place." Chase tilted his head, regarding Jack as though he were a particularly interesting bug. "What possessed you to attempt such a thing?" Jack considered his answer. The brief hesitation caused Chase to narrow his eyes sharply. "The truth, or I'll make you regret it." Jack shuddered, not doubting for a minute that Chase would know if he spoke anything but the absolute truth.

"I-it didn't start that way," he said cautiously. At Chase's impatient nod, he continued. "About t-two years ago, I found a shen gong wu. And I met the xiaolin monks, who were looking for it. I've been spying on them ever since, trying to learn more. Then you came along, and you were way more interesting. I...couldn't help myself."

Chase snorted.

"You really have no self-preservation instincts, do you?" he asked sarcastically. Jack bristled at that.

"Got enough self-preservation instincts to stay the hell out of your little toy war," he said quietly. Chase smirked at that.

"And yet you kept one of these 'toys'," he countered. "What do you hope to gain from spying on the monks, on me?" he asked curiously. Jack bit his lip. This was something he REALLY didn't want Chase knowing about. Unfortunately, his body was telegraphing that fact pretty obviously. Damn, it had been a while since he'd interacted with an intelligent being.

"Once again, if you lie to me I will make you regret it," Chase reminded him sternly.

Jack sighed internally. He would have to be very, very precise in his answer.

"I think the shen gong wu have potential."

Chase took a menacing step forward. Jack flinched violently.

"Potential for what?" he asked quietly. Jack averted his eyes and shrugged.

"For weaponization." Chase seemed to weigh that answer, and then nodded, accepting it.

"Well, that is largely what they're for," Chase said slowly, as though Jack were a particularly slow child. Jack couldn't help but snort at that.

"Sure it is," he said sarcastically, unable to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Chase arched his eyebrow once more.

"You sound skeptical. I thought you had been observing the xiaolin conflict."

"Yeah, and what I've observed is that Dashi created this whole stupid contest thousands of years ago to distract people with too much power and time on their hands from actually doing anything worthwhile. The shen gong wu aren't weapons they're...glorified pacifiers!" he concluded forcefully.

Chase's face remained impassive, but Jack thought he saw something like approval shining in his eyes.

"But you believe that _you_ will be the one to change things? To 'weaponize the pacifiers' as it were?" he asked, a subtle hint of mockery in his tone. Jack rankled at the criticism but chose not to rise to the bait.

"Ideally. The potential application of this technology is limitless. But first I need to...understand. Magic is damn hard to study and quantify. Hence the all the spying," he said with a frustrated wave of his hand.

Chase stepped back slightly. He stared at Jack for a while, seeming to process his explanation.

"I'm not sure if I can approve of your research," he said at length. Jack twitched at the sudden break in silence. Chase watched him with amusement, making sure it didn't show on his face. "Your goal may have unforeseen consequences for the balance of good and evil. However..." he trailed off thoughtfully. Jack watched his face anxiously.

"However...?" he questioned when it seemed Chase wasn't going to respond. Chase smirked.

"However, there are some significant potential benefits. It's not the first time someone has tried to harness magic through technology, but you're certainly closer than most. I must admit, my curiosity is piqued."

Jack slowly let out a breath.

"Okay, so, what does that mean for me?" Jack questioned, his confusion evident.

"It means," Chase said slowly, "that I will not terminate your existence at this time, and I will not destroy your project. I shall allow you to continue your work, under my supervision of course. You will report your progress to me upon demand, and will answer all questions I put to you. If I decide to terminate your project at any time, for any reason, you will comply without question. Disobey me, and I will end both you and your research in an instant. Understood?"

As he had spoken, Jack had felt his temper rising higher and higher until he was glaring daggers at the dragon and his fists were shaking with rage. Chase observed this, and his sullen silence. Quick as lightening, Chase was pressed up against Jack, a clawed hand wrapped around his throat.

"Understood?" he whispered menacingly, making sure Jack could see the flash of his fangs. Jack swallowed hard, and Chase could feel the muscles of that silken throat moving under his hand. It was pleasing. Also pleasing was the slight scent of lust he detected, hidden underneath the adrenaline. Through his surprise and fear, Jack still managed to glare defiantly.

"Understood," he muttered angrily. Chase gave his throat one final warning squeeze before he stepped away. He raised a hand to snap and transport himself out of Jack's lair.

"WAIT!" Jack yelled, reaching out a hand. Chase froze, a questioning look on his face. Jack swallowed back his hurt pride and anger. "If you're willing to let me continue, are you also willing to help me?" he asked desperately. Chase said nothing, but made a 'continue' sort of gesture with his hand.

"I mean, the whole reason I've been spying on you and the monks is because I need more information. Would you be willing to provide me with research materials and answer my questions? You _must_ have some amazing books I could study." Chase's lips quirked up slightly at the compliment.

"I'll think about it," he said noncommittally, before vanishing in a vortex of black flame. After he left, Jack sank to the floor and closed his eyes. For a while, he just focused on breathing and nothing else.

"Jesus tap dancing Christ," he murmured. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"


End file.
